7 Least Romantic Places For Valentine’s Day

by Debbie Wilson

Usually, at this time of year, I’m thinking about hearts, flowers and chocolate in sweet, loving surroundings. I can’t believe that every year I descend into embarrassing fantasy clichés, so, this year, I’m trying something different. I’ve set out to find places where you or Cupid would never think of going.  Places you can immediately eliminate from your Valentine bucket list.  If you have a bah-humbug attitude toward Valentine’s Day, these places are for you.  And if you love Valentine’s Day and want to go to places where no one else would think of going, look no further.  You can get great deals at these world-class, anti-romantic places. 

Death Valley National Park, California

Because your relationships, like mine, are probably filled with extremes, you would never think of descending into a place that boasts about being the hottest, driest, and lowest place in the National Park system.  Death Valley is spread over 3 million acres of wilderness and gives a whole new meeting to “taking a walk on the wild side”.  Taking a love laced stroll in February will show very quickly how the park got its name. Snuggling is encouraged but only as a life saving activity.

National Museum of Funeral History, Houston, TX

Since death is a known romance killer, you are guaranteed not to meet any lovebirds at the National Museum of Funeral History in Houston, Texas. In order not to be a total bummer and downer, the museum has tried to gild the lily with their “Fantasy Coffins” display.  Those among you who are open minded, might have erotic thoughts as you move towards some sexy looking toys in the Civil War section of the museum. 

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Dear John: My Springtime Love Affair with John Deere

by Debbie Wilson

Dear John:

I was reunited with you today. I thought about you several times during the winter. When snow covered the ground and the winds blew cold through the bare trees, I hungered for your warming power. Your grass green eyes finally opened wide today as you welcomed me back to your loving arms. Sure, your tongue was razor sharp, your hands were bright yellow, and you smelled of grass and oil, but to me, you were perfect. You transported me to a place where all sounds were drowned out by the aura of your manly roar. Cell phones were unable to disturb the deep meditation that riding around on your back delivered to me. Oh, a car horn honking occasionally might have disturbed my deep thoughts when I weaved onto the road, but otherwise it was a time to be alone with you, my deere John. 

We traveled together to the far reaches of our two acres. We became reacquainted with favorite places we hadn’t seen since last fall. You were content to let me be the leader and to dictate the pace of our journey. You didn’t nag me about making “good time”.  You never complained about the weird patterns I made in the grass.  Thank you for not asking, “Are we there yet”. It was such a pleasure just making hay with you.

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Jamming in your Jammies in Alabama

by Debbie Wilson

How many times have you heard someone remark, “I wish I could go to work in my pajamas”?  At the Florence, ALABAMA tourism office we went outside the office and inside the bedroom in our Casual Day at the Office concept. My assistant, Alison Stanfield, wrote a post on Facebook about how envious she was that her 10- year-old son was having pajama day at school the week before Christmas.  She mused that she wished we could have PJ day at our office. Much to her surprise, I declared the Tuesday before Christmas as PJ day.  Kids shouldn’t have all of the fun!

The staff really got into the spirit and ran with it. Alison came in “Grinch” pajamas”, Lindsey had on her adorable PJ’s along with a robe and fuzzy house slippers.   Beth wore warm, fuzzy jammies while Pat chose her comfortable old Christmas PJ’s. I was decked out in Alabama Roll Tide PJ’s.   

We decided to make it a social networking experiment. We posted our plans only on Facebook. We invited visitors and our “friends” on Facebook to show up in their pajamas and have the chance to win an overnight stay in our four star Marriott hotel.  We also promised a mug of Christmas goodies to everyone who came in their pajamas to see us.  We issued a challenge to elected officials and had one brave taker – the lone female Lauderdale County, AL commissioner, Rhea Fulmer (see picture). The Chairwoman of our Chamber of Commerce, Pam Doyle, looked like a whacked-out Maxine, complete with a kerchief in her hair! (see pictures) We had milk and cookies and other midnight snack type of treats. We posted pictures on our Facebook Fan site all day and had scores of comments from our “Fans”. One of our Florence City Council members commented, “I went by to see the tourism staff in their pajamas, but they were all napping”. The U.S. postman who routinely delivers our mail had not been apprised of our Pajama Day declaration.  He came in and looked quizzically at the 10 or so people in our lobby – all of us wearing  pajamas – and remarked , “have a good night.” 

If you are thinking of having your own PJ Day at work, here are a few things to keep in mind.

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Tripping at the Dentist

by Debbie Wilson

For me a trip to the dentist is somewhat like preparing for a real trip. It always involves a lot of preparation and additional pre-trips to various health care providers.   It was one foggy Christmas Eve when Santa and the Tooth Fairy co-mingled to bring me a dreaded travel package deal.  It happened Christmas Eve 2006 when a crown disengaged itself from the front of my mouth.  Have you ever tried to find working dentists on Christmas Eve?  Forget it! They are off in the North Pole with wanna be dentist elves celebrating the holidays.  Having to face family and friends at forty-something with a front tooth missing isn’t as cute as it was when you were 5 and it is the wrong season for the tooth fairy.   

A dentist was finally located as well as a dental surgeon for a root canal on December 27^th.  The trip to the surgeon should have involved some relaxation medication but unfortunately for all, it didn’t.  A mere two weeks later, another trip for another root canal, but this time the dental surgeon had insisted on relaxation medication for me or he wouldn’t even walk in the room.  That trip, and many others, involved someone to drive me home, even for routine procedures.  It seemed that my trips to the dentist started to also involve a trip to the pharmacy.  Nice, free vacations of the mind soon followed.  I would look at my handsome dentist and think of him as the tour operator for the gondola ride I was about to take in Venice. The dental hygienist became the hostess at a fancy New York restaurant.  The snag (not of the tooth but in my fantasy) would come when the drilling started.  It is always the drilling that derails any trip, but especially one to the dentist. Just the sound was enough to send shock waves of reality through me.  Whiiiirrrrrr and then the tour guide/dentist would say, “This won’t hurt”. Well, of course it wasn’t going to hurt him and so what if I was numb from my eyebrows to my neck, I could still feel that drill bit! “ Relax” he said, and I think, “Someday buddy, I will be on the other end of that drill and then we will see who is telling whom to relax!”

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Armchair Travel

by Debbie Wilson

Hawaii Tourism Authority / Kirk Lee AederPalm trees swayed in the breeze, the sound of waves were crashing on the beach, and beautiful Hawaiian girls danced as they dispensed colorful leis. All eyes that had the ability to focus were looking at the giant TV screen and the delightful scene as they enjoyed their armchair travel to Honolulu. Shirley was dressed for the occasion in her coconut bra. She wheeled around in her wheelchair as she modeled her vacation wear. Hazel had on a summer shirt patterned with palm trees and her socks were embossed with flamingos. Others may have been there in their “Geri chairs” with quilts and blankets so as to keep their body warm but in their minds they were surrounded by the warmth of a tropical breeze. Several of the ladies were swaying to the music and seemed to be imagining themselves to be young and glowing with health as they performed some of the age old dances of the islands.

After the video was finished, the residents of the nursing home focused their attention on the speaker. He had tales to share of his recent trip to the beautiful state of Hawaii. Some of his listeners were actively engaged in the discussion as they moved their walkers or wheelchairs closer. Others had a far-away look in their eyes. Some folks may they were lost in their dementia or Alzheimer’s daze, but I like to think they were taking the trip of a lifetime in their minds. Or perhaps remembering a favorite vacation with their true love.

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