I Don't Want to Die, Mom
Ann Rae Frumkin
by Marla Finn
This July I turn 59 years old. If I live as long as my mother, then I am about to embark on my last year of life.
Mom, you were thequeen of selflessness.You gave up everything for everyone else. My deepest frustration was not being able to get you to see that your mother and sister were sucking the life out of you. Every day, on the phone, you’d try your hardest to get them to listen, think things through, and calm down. It NEVER worked. The medical profession says that stress can cause disease. It's clear in your case that it did.
I refuse to be done in from that kind of “love.” My dear daughters are at me daily with their emotional breakdowns about boys, mean girls, computer mishaps, school, jobs. But I’m not as good a person as you were, mom! I’m selfish. I hate being yelled at, even if only as a sounding board. I give advice and they don’t listen. I want to live longer than one more year.
You’ve now been gone for 30 years. I thought I would never survive, but I have, as well as any motherless child can. Every day I ask myself why they had to kill you. But I have learned from your only mistake...the mistake of loving too much and not being able to say no.
Oh, wait...is that one of my kids calling? I just may be too busy to answer today...
Marla Finn is an actress, writer, teacher, living in Scottsdale, AZ. She is the Co-founder of the Phoenix Film Institute, along with her Emmy Award Winning Producer husband, Peter Stelzer.As an actress, this past season, Marla played "Peg," in the film, "Jake's Corner," and is currently in theaters playing the waitress in the movie, "Sugar."
Editor's Note: For Mother's Day, co-founder Judith Fein wrote about her mama. We decided to check in with our other writers to see what they have to say about the women who birthed them. You may be very surprised. Feel free to leave comments for any of the writers and Happy Mother's Day if you are one, have one, or plan to be one!
6 Comments
Reader Comments (6)
WOW is all I can say Marla!
I have been struggling (I mean REALLY struggling) recently with finding the ever elusive balance of helping myself and others. I have always felt the need to fix everyone and everything around me, and have been surrounded by turmoil, conflict, and drama. I KNOW that we can't help others unless we take care of ourselves first, but that is MUCH easier preached than done (especially for women!)
I will always have a huge void in my heart not having a mother in my life. I have many wonderful women who are there for me, but we all know that your Mom is your mom.. I could go on and on but I better stop there..
Here is a quote I JUST received last week that I have staring at me above the computer:
" You Don't Drown by Falling in Water ~ You Drown by Staying There.." Edwin Lois Cole
I am fighting to be me more than ever because life is way too short to not do all we were put here to do.. Thank you for sharing this with me; it's another validation / sign from above that I need to keep up the fight to be happy..
Wish me luck!
Faith & Happiness
gina
Mom, I'm crying reading this. I love you so much.
your daughter who adores you,
Daisy
p.s. I know how hard this must've been for you to write about and I'm so proud of you.
see you in two weeks.
Love,
Dais
Marla, That was so powerful! It gave me chills reading it. My mother died at 54 and I have to tell you that I know in my heart that stress and sadness brought on her early death. I always tried to get her to move to Arizona and away from the toxic people that surrounded her but sadly, as she was considering actually making the move, she died an untimely early death of a heart attack. Thanks for such a beautifully written piece and reminder that we have to take care of ourselves .
Love,
Linda
Marla,
Wow! It truly breaks my heart that you lost your mother so long ago; I can’t imagine how hard it was to share this story.
I too have a mother that does the same thing. Her focus happens to be on her 3 sisters and a few selfish friends. It is maddening at best to watch her try to achieve some sort of peace among the dysfunction and deny her heartbreak when things go awry. I would love to believe that one day, she will just give up without a fight…but who am I kidding? Your words have inspired me to make the best of every minute with my mother and to also step up my effort to move her away from those stellar citizens of “dysfunction junction”. Thanks again for sharing.
Love You Dolly!
Gail
Marla,
Thanks for inviting your Central Spartans to read your articles. Wonderful. Heartening (and heartbreaking) to know that I am not alone in wondering whether I will live longer than my mother, or my sister. This 60th/61st year will be a tough one. Hope to see you in September, and good luck in your continued writing and acting pursuits.