yourlifeisatrip

by Marla Finn

Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? A plane? Sarah Palin looking for more wolves to shoot? NO! It's Helicopter Mom hovering over her children. Watch out! You better get out of my way, or else!

Okay, listen. We've all been hearing and reading a ton about the current generation of moms and dads who are too involved in their children's lives and just can't seem let go. Well, let me tell you that I'm not just one of those. I specialize. I have unique talents and longevity that no other Helicopter Mom has. After all, I've been one for over a quarter century now. No wonder all the other HM's come to me for advice.

Oh, sure, I have my fingers in everything my children are doing, even though they're now in their early and mid 20's. The finger part is the initial requirement to get into the HM club. With a flip of my cell phone, I call the heads of universities and demand immediate attention for my kids. Any counselor, professor or advisor better watch out for my wing span, cause I don't stop flying till my mission is accomplished. And it so helps that I do character voices for a living. Cause every good helicopter mom knows that pretending you are your kid is essential for completing any task...especially at the university level, where they won't even talk to you if you breathe the words "mother" or "father."

In fact, I just got off the phone with the admissions office at the college my youngest hopes to transfer into this fall. I made my voice higher, to sound like I'm 20 instead of 60, I had her address, social security and student numbers at the ready, and I played my daughter like an academy award winning actress to get the info I wanted immediately. No one beats me to the punch. No one takes advantage of my kids. No one tells me "no." HM's do not ever take "no" for an answer. If we can't get what we want one place, we fly off somewhere else till we can.